Support after Losing Elizabeth

After the Ambulance

When we arrived at the hospital, we were taken to a small room. After a short while a doctor came to us and said we could go and see her, but to be prepared for all the tubes. He also told us that they were still working on her.

It was so hard seeing her lying there. I truly feel that she had got her wings before she left our home. Anyway, we were told to talk to her and hold her hand, which we did.

I remember her brother, Chris, asking for a tissue to wipe her face, as he did not like the water coming out of her nose and mouth. I don't know when Chris left and went back into the little room, but shortly afterwards, I followed him. It was while I was there and her Dad was still with her that he was told she had become an angel. He then came to us, and then I knew.

While we were there, the police arrived. We were told that because it was a sudden death, they have to be informed. I still get mad even today at the way they asked questions because of her age and that she had been out the night before. They wanted to know if she was on drugs and had she been drinking. I looked at them and said, "No way!"

One reason was that I knew Elizabeth well, and she would never do that because of her epilepsy. She would not even take the wine at Communion. Her faith was very important to her, and that does help me. They looked at me and said, "Well, we have to ask because of her age."

Luckily, her priest had arrived just before that, and he said, "She was not that type of teenager." I can't remember if they said they were sorry, but they said it was something they have to do. We were told there would have to be a postmortem to determine the cause of death, and that it could take up to 3 weeks before we could lay her to rest because of the time of year.

We were lucky. We got told a few days later that her death was from an epilepsy seizure and that we could go ahead and lay her to rest.

We laid her to rest on the 11th of January 2000. The night before she was brought to lay in church, the priest asked if we minded if he sat with her during the night. We said, "Of course, that is fine." He told us later that he felt her near and that there was a peaceful feeling in the church.

That night her friends were at the Church and when the service was over, they were told they had to return to school. But at the cemetery, the school bus turned up and her friends were there. They told me they had said to the head that they were going to the cemetery and if he would not take them, they would go by themselves. Elizabeth meant so much to them as to us.

A little while later, we got a phone call from a charity called Epilepsy Bereaved, asking if we would take part in a national seminar on epilepsy-related death. We, of course, said "Yes, if it meant that maybe another family would not go though what we had gone though." Since then we have become involved with them. I have even done support on the phone to other poeple who have lost their loved ones, just so they know they are not alone.

And, yes, we survived some how. For me, some days are easier then others. We try to go to their meetings in a lovely hotel for a weekend where we are among others who have lost a loved one. Yes, it is sad at times, but also we have fun and know it is not wrong to enjoy ourselves, despite our loss.

For me this year, Elizabeth's tenth angel day was very hard. I found myself crying, but I think some of it was the fact that her brother hit another big milestone this year, his 21st birthday.

Sue Chris Haher, Elizabeth's Mum

Page Set-up and Some Graphics by Saralyn, Robbie's Mom